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Log

  1. James Haven has publicly come out as gay at 53
  2. A couple of coming out scenes
  3. Pryce's Buoy by Alan Turing
  4. As Ungendered as I can Make it
  5. Actionable Advice
  6. Another Think
  7. It's a rainy Friday morning here.
  8. A Note for Parents
  9. PG 13
  10. Trauma and Being LGBTQ
  11. Run Out Into the Street
  12. Goot Anglisch
  13. Girls the World Over
  14. Attraction
  15. Minnesota
  16. Abusers Abuse People. It's What They Do.
  17. Terminology, History and Context
  18. JK Rowling
  19. Lonely Heart's Club
  20. Ye Olde Mustache
  21. "You'll never be a real woman."
  22. The Landscape of the Mind
  23. Teh Cancer
  24. I Know Some People are Wondering Why
  25. Murder by Suicide
  26. The Eye of the Beholder
  27. The F Word
  28. Opinion
  29. Being LGBTQ in a Conservative Culture
  30. The Closet
  31. TERFs and "White Women"
  32. Things I am Unlikely to Cover on This Blog
  33. Open Relationships
  34. Dirty Secrets
  35. You're Probably Inconsequential and on Track to Remain So
  36. Narcissism vs. Sadism
  37. Access and Opportunity
  38. Child Abusers Lie
  39. Not Everything is About X
  40. Female Pattern Baldness is, in fact, a Thing
  41. Heternormative Culture
  42. It's Compercated
  43. The Villain
  44. More Than Four Decades Later, I Have Something to Say
  45. The So-Called "Male Gaze"
  46. Something Clear in my Mind
  47. Nuance
  48. Coming Out is an Inside Job
  49. The Key is in the Safe
  50. A Hypothesis
  51. You Know What They Say About Hindsight
  52. Fact is Stranger than Fiction
  53. Dream Girls and Boys
  54. Biology and Gender Issues: My 2 Cents
  55. Fashion is Smashin
  56. Qualifications
  57. "The Check is in the Mail"
  58. It's a Hard Problem to Solve
  59. The Big O
  60. Fear and Self Loathing
  61. So You Think You've Met Someone
  62. Experience
  63. Fighting with Shadows
  64. Tales from the BBW Side of Life
  65. Rooney Rules and Dating
  66. Baby Steps
  67. Stopping the Merry-Go-Round and Getting Off
  68. When Love Dies
  69. Old School Cool
  70. Speed Bumps
  71. If a Tree Falls in a Forest and Makes No Sound, Still It Falks
  72. Space, Time, Love, Sex
  73. Shut the Door, Baby, Don't Say A Word
  74. The Social End of Things
  75. Threat Assessment and Reassessment
  76. Bullet List
  77. The Correct Takeaway
  78. Female Sexuality: An Opinion Piece
  79. Ethics
  80. Delicate Inquiries and Diplomatic Announcements
  81. Internalized Hatred
  82. Questioning Yourself Privately and Practically
  83. Supporting the Girls
  84. Some Old Trans Resources
  85. Consent and a Few Devilish Details
  86. Intimacy and the Internet
  87. Hair
  88. Walk This Way
  89. Mistakes Were Made
  90. I Suppose You Could Say It's a Political Thing
  91. Playing the Field
  92. On Again, Off Again Relationships
  93. Catastrophizing
  94. Relationships
  95. I Got Off Light
  96. Value Position
  97. The Helga Collection, Et Al
  98. A Pitfall of Online Dating
  99. A Clean Slate
  100. Ending the Torment
  101. The Closet
  102. Doing the Work
  103. The TLDR
  104. Sadly
  105. Course Correcting
  106. The Daughter I Never Had
  107. Safety First
  108. Hellfire and Brimstone
  109. Burnt Bridges
  110. Work
  111. Rockabye, Bye Bye
  112. Anger Management
  113. Transitioning Your Look: A Postponed Adolescent Experience
  114. Putting Victimhood Behind You
  115. Envisioning Your Future Self
  116. Mom, I Need to be a Girl
  117. Mermaids
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Anger Management

I was molested and raped as a child. I spent my teens and twenties filled with anger. My therapist once said something like "How did I know you were angry? Maybe it was the flames shooting out your ears." He wasn't actually talking about me. He was describing someone else. But he could have been talking about me. I took up role playing gaming in my teens and my first character was a Red Sonja-esque character with long red tresses. She was a fighter mage and she had issues. Gaming was good for me. I made a lot of friends and they were mostly male and they were protective of me. I began to put down my baggage. At some point, I retired that first character because she was so angry and toxic and I wasn't anymore. Playing her required me to put back on the mantel of so much baggage that I had worked hard to put down and it wasn't good for me to keep that alive. In my late twenties, me and my husband bought a house and it was about thirty minutes from the ...
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Terminology, History and Context

From a previous post called The Closet : At one time, I thought that being a "closeted gay" meant something like you slept alone or dated same-sex people secretly. I have come to understand that term differently over the years. I've just left a comment on Reddit in a discussion about the past stating again that at one time I thought closeted meant handling things discreetly but that's not how that word gets used. I did so because of a reply to an earlier  comment of mine where the reply says "We were closeted. To do otherwise meant you'd lose your job." because I talked about the fact that we don't really know how LGBTQ stuff was handled because the written records we have don't really give you a good picture. I initially thought my "weirdo" interpretation of closeted was me being stupid or something but this little exchange has me rethinking that. I'm thinking now that perhaps at one time closeted  was used to mean handling it di...
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Bullet List

Leave because the relationship doesn't work anymore, not because you think you found Mr or Ms Right. Don't delay leaving "until you FEEL" x, y or z. You probably won't FEEL that until AFTER you LEAVE. So just LEAVE. Your anxiety etc is BECAUSE you are in a dysfunctional relationship. Closeted gays in heterosexual relationships get WORSE, not better, the longer they keep sleeping with someone of the opposite sex. The ONLY fix I know for the sexual sadism they develop is coming out and getting a same sex lover. If you are in a hetero relationship and your partner is actually gay, they are not going to satisfy you and you're not going to satisfy them. Waiting until you have some chump lined up as their replacement is not a fix for your problems. It's a blog. It's full of the opinions of ONE person based on life experience, reading, etc. If you don't like the answers here or they don't resonate with you, don't get mad at me. Just ...
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