So I was "frigid" at one time. I could reach orgasm via masturbation but not with someone and even after I figured out how to get off with a partner, I had trouble reaching orgasm.
I was sexually abused as a child, so I thought it was ALL psychological and emotional baggage. Then I got a diagnosis late in life of a serious medical condition and, wow, did getting healthier help resolve some issues for me in the bedroom.
So first of all if you are having trouble getting there, let me suggest you consider the possibility that you have a MEDICAL issue interfering with your ability to get relief. "A sound mind in a sound body" goes double for your sex life in some ways. If the old bod doesn't work so well, it can substantially interfere with your sexual satisfaction.
Men who have erectile dysfunction can tell their doctor and get pills for it. But it's really not the norm for women to even COMPLAIN to an MD that their girl parts aren't working well for them.
A. There is a LARGE emotional component to orgasm and I have KIND of written some about that -- about women needing that EMOTIONAL piece to meet their sexual needs. Connecting emotionally with someone you can TRUST and LIKE is a BIG part of that. B. "Different strokes for different folks."
Years and years ago, some guy online made some remark that was supposed to be a masturbation reference -- supposed to "sound" like masturbation -- and I said something about "maybe for guys" and then he was like "yeah, for girls it would be...(other sound)" and I said NOTHING because I was like "YOU clearly know NOTHING about women."
Most people have heard about the clitoris and G spot and can probably find theirs. Additionally, some women can get off from breast stimulation.
What you see less info about is SENSORY issues generally. I have previously touched on my hypothesis that SOME people into BDSM are people with sensory issues of the "I need a BEAR HUG" variety where FIRM pressure is what they need to feel good and bondage and the like provides that.
As noted in that previous post (linked above), Temple Grandin created a "squeeze machine" to treat her sensory issues and people just freaked out and thought it was a sexual perversion thing. So that's part of where I get that idea.
But at the other end, some people need a light or gentle touch. Rubbing THROUGH clothes -- especially if it's been a WHILE since you got off -- may be more tolerable. You may be too sensitive sometimes and need some means to damp it down.
Some people NEED the lights out to focus on their body.
Some people NEED music on or NEED things quiet to help shut out the world.
These are SENSORY issues and magnesium can help some with the light and noise sensitivity.
Some women masturbate with flowing water as their gentle stimulation (think shower time).
This is not remotely comprehensive but I think it touches on a few major points that should be helpful to many people struggling with this issue.
I was sexually abused as a child, so I thought it was ALL psychological and emotional baggage. Then I got a diagnosis late in life of a serious medical condition and, wow, did getting healthier help resolve some issues for me in the bedroom.
So first of all if you are having trouble getting there, let me suggest you consider the possibility that you have a MEDICAL issue interfering with your ability to get relief. "A sound mind in a sound body" goes double for your sex life in some ways. If the old bod doesn't work so well, it can substantially interfere with your sexual satisfaction.
Men who have erectile dysfunction can tell their doctor and get pills for it. But it's really not the norm for women to even COMPLAIN to an MD that their girl parts aren't working well for them.
When I was hospitalized while pregnant, one of my roommates told me she was in for explaratory surgery because she had painful periods or something and doctors NEVER took her seriously, so she LIED and said she wanted a baby and THEN they were willing to take a look at things to see what might be wrong.Because of my history, I've read a lot about how women get there and what interferes with them getting there. Some bullet points:
- Some women do NOT orgasm from "PIV intercourse" (penis-in-vagina intercourse). If this is you, there isn't necessarily ANYTHING wrong with you. Get there however works for YOU.
- For women who can get there with intercourse, sometimes they need a particular position. I read one article where the guy said "Woman on top ON THE FLOOR works for my wife and nothing else does. Something about having control over it physically, I guess."
- I don't know how MEN "typically" masturbate, but there is NO "typical" means for women to masturbate. Women as a group have a WIDE VARIETY of what works for them and it often in no way simulates PIV intercourse.
- Some CULTURES don't EXPECT the woman to necessarily enjoy it every time (aka actually have the Big O). If you come from a CULTURE or social group with this attitude, let me recommend you date around and have your eyes opened.
A. There is a LARGE emotional component to orgasm and I have KIND of written some about that -- about women needing that EMOTIONAL piece to meet their sexual needs. Connecting emotionally with someone you can TRUST and LIKE is a BIG part of that. B. "Different strokes for different folks."
Years and years ago, some guy online made some remark that was supposed to be a masturbation reference -- supposed to "sound" like masturbation -- and I said something about "maybe for guys" and then he was like "yeah, for girls it would be...(other sound)" and I said NOTHING because I was like "YOU clearly know NOTHING about women."
Most people have heard about the clitoris and G spot and can probably find theirs. Additionally, some women can get off from breast stimulation.
What you see less info about is SENSORY issues generally. I have previously touched on my hypothesis that SOME people into BDSM are people with sensory issues of the "I need a BEAR HUG" variety where FIRM pressure is what they need to feel good and bondage and the like provides that.
As noted in that previous post (linked above), Temple Grandin created a "squeeze machine" to treat her sensory issues and people just freaked out and thought it was a sexual perversion thing. So that's part of where I get that idea.
But at the other end, some people need a light or gentle touch. Rubbing THROUGH clothes -- especially if it's been a WHILE since you got off -- may be more tolerable. You may be too sensitive sometimes and need some means to damp it down.
Some people NEED the lights out to focus on their body.
Some people NEED music on or NEED things quiet to help shut out the world.
These are SENSORY issues and magnesium can help some with the light and noise sensitivity.
Some women masturbate with flowing water as their gentle stimulation (think shower time).
This is not remotely comprehensive but I think it touches on a few major points that should be helpful to many people struggling with this issue.