From what I gather, the world somewhat agrees that men have a tendency to be visual creatures and to have somewhat strong preferences when it comes to what women look like. I'm not sure how true that really is, or at least I'm not sure it follows the format people seem to imagine it follows.
One actress said "I dress for women, I undress for men." Men seem to not care as much about things like clothes and makeup as women do, though there seems to be a reasonable argument to be made that at least some men have preferences in things like hair color, body types, etc.
But women don't appear to really have some equivalent. I've read articles over the years that say that when they do porn for women instead of men, they have to pay much more attention to the clothes for the women and that sexy novels aimed at women struggle to figure out what to put on the front cover because we have no such tropes for women.
Clothing can be a status symbol and a form of social signaling. Women seem to dream of the perfect wedding and the perfect engagement ring and the perfect bouquet of flowers.
I think women are focused on something social that plays out over time. They are looking for emotional bonding.
I think they are essentially looking for someone to stick around to help raise the baby if they get pregnant. Since you can't really capture a photo of a feeling, we have all these visual and cultural symbols of love and commitment.
Since this is not an obvious and immediate sexual thing, I think it gets dismissed as not sexual. But I think most women need to have those feelings to really enjoy sex.
I think it's evolutionary that women who are focused on finding someone to actually care about them, someone who will commit, someone who will stick around and help raise any kids that result are more likely to survive and pass on their genes. I think a feeling of being in love and feeling convinced he actually cares is important to the ability of most women to reach orgasm.
So I don't think women are any less interested in getting their rocks off than men are. We just evolved to get off on something that helps the species survive and raise healthy kids and all that.
Since it's hard to capture or even convey emotions that make a lady hot and since there is a strong social component to this and for other reasons, I think women generally have a harder time than men figuring out their own sexuality.
I think for some women, by the time they figure out that they aren't actually attracted to men, they are married and have offspring already and that makes it tough to come out of the closet. Even if you divorce, dating girls is potentially embarrassing for your male ex and how do you figure out how to date girls if you have only ever dated men?
Sex itself is a social thing. Even when people masturbate, it is typically accompanied by porn or at least a fantasy and those images typically involve people. If the entire world has told you your entire life that you are supposed to like men and you have dutifully done as you were told because you are a good girl, how do you even figure out that men don't actually make you hot?
There's no reason to believe that gay women are fundamentally different from straight women in terms of the above described sexual wiring. Plenty of gay people WANT kids and you don't necessarily need to have a lot of sex with a man to get pregnant.
It's sort of a pet peeve of mine that some very privileged peoples with money and college educations and etc loudly signal on a routine basis their rididulous belief that having a child is a CHOICE and something you have total control over. Even the phrase birth control signals this cultural belief that we are in control to a far greater degree than we really are.
ALL forms of birth control have failure rates. When I looked at statistics in my teens, hormonal birth control pills had the best track record but it still was not 100 percent, even under theoretical "perfect" conditions of no user error. Real world stats for every form of birth control were substantially worse than the theoretical outcomes achievable under conditions where humans used them perfectly.
Even if you are celibate, women sometimes get raped. Women do not have some kind of absolute control over their own reproduction. Pregnancies happen, sometimes under terrible circumstances that involve tremendous baggage.
Historical norms for what I think of as human sexual morality erred on the side of recognizing that sometimes babies happen though no one wanted one. This includes things like shotgun weddings and a historical expectation in most cultures of being a virgin until you got married.
I have come to believe that the combo of how women are wired and sex being a social thing and yadda means that gay women somewhat frequently do not realize they are gay until later in life. Women get told "nice girls don't" and tend to be discouraged from exploring our sexuality, etc. I think it's just a long, difficult journey for some women to get to the point of realizing "I don't actually find men sexually attractive. That really does nothing for me."
If you are a woman and not sure, I will suggest the following are clues you might be gay:
This is a really morally bankrupt way to live and no doubt involves TREMENDOUS misery for the person who has become a sadist and is now hurting others.
Please don't do this to yourself and to people around you. If you have ANY ethics and you reach the conclusion "I intentionally hurt people around me and the reason is because I'm a closeted gay person and deeply miserable over it" (regardless of gender), PLEASE get a same sex lover, work your crap out and STOP hurting people around you as a means to remain in the closet.
Why "marry well"? It is a social expectation that men are supposed to be good providers. I think this is a legitimate attempt to get excited about a man by gay women who have been told their whole lives that they are supposed to like men. They CAN get excited about his money if he makes enough and they go with that, not realizing it implies they don't actually like men.
Only over time does it gradually get impossible to keep pretending to enjoy it when they don't.
Why listen to MEN talk about their fantasies about or experiences with other women? Because men are supposed to be the initiators. If women are not ever supposed to initiate, how do two women even get together to begin with?
It's sort of a proxy, a sort of virtual experience of being with a woman.
Women are generally not supposed to be overly interested in sex. Having a strong interest in sex as a woman makes you a "bad" woman. Men are supposed to initiate, not women. Etc.
There are myriad barriers to women trying to figure out their own sexuality. I have come to believe that for gay women, this somewhat often ends up being a case of FUBAR and they don't know how things got so weird and have no idea how to back out of the deep emotional and social doo doo they find themselves mired in.
Step One: Admit to YOURSELF you are GAY and that the solution involves eventually getting a same sex lover. If it has gotten that bad, staying in the closet isn't going to make you a happy, healthy person.
One actress said "I dress for women, I undress for men." Men seem to not care as much about things like clothes and makeup as women do, though there seems to be a reasonable argument to be made that at least some men have preferences in things like hair color, body types, etc.
But women don't appear to really have some equivalent. I've read articles over the years that say that when they do porn for women instead of men, they have to pay much more attention to the clothes for the women and that sexy novels aimed at women struggle to figure out what to put on the front cover because we have no such tropes for women.
Clothing can be a status symbol and a form of social signaling. Women seem to dream of the perfect wedding and the perfect engagement ring and the perfect bouquet of flowers.
I think women are focused on something social that plays out over time. They are looking for emotional bonding.
I think they are essentially looking for someone to stick around to help raise the baby if they get pregnant. Since you can't really capture a photo of a feeling, we have all these visual and cultural symbols of love and commitment.
Since this is not an obvious and immediate sexual thing, I think it gets dismissed as not sexual. But I think most women need to have those feelings to really enjoy sex.
I think it's evolutionary that women who are focused on finding someone to actually care about them, someone who will commit, someone who will stick around and help raise any kids that result are more likely to survive and pass on their genes. I think a feeling of being in love and feeling convinced he actually cares is important to the ability of most women to reach orgasm.
So I don't think women are any less interested in getting their rocks off than men are. We just evolved to get off on something that helps the species survive and raise healthy kids and all that.
Since it's hard to capture or even convey emotions that make a lady hot and since there is a strong social component to this and for other reasons, I think women generally have a harder time than men figuring out their own sexuality.
I think for some women, by the time they figure out that they aren't actually attracted to men, they are married and have offspring already and that makes it tough to come out of the closet. Even if you divorce, dating girls is potentially embarrassing for your male ex and how do you figure out how to date girls if you have only ever dated men?
Sex itself is a social thing. Even when people masturbate, it is typically accompanied by porn or at least a fantasy and those images typically involve people. If the entire world has told you your entire life that you are supposed to like men and you have dutifully done as you were told because you are a good girl, how do you even figure out that men don't actually make you hot?
There's no reason to believe that gay women are fundamentally different from straight women in terms of the above described sexual wiring. Plenty of gay people WANT kids and you don't necessarily need to have a lot of sex with a man to get pregnant.
It's sort of a pet peeve of mine that some very privileged peoples with money and college educations and etc loudly signal on a routine basis their rididulous belief that having a child is a CHOICE and something you have total control over. Even the phrase birth control signals this cultural belief that we are in control to a far greater degree than we really are.
ALL forms of birth control have failure rates. When I looked at statistics in my teens, hormonal birth control pills had the best track record but it still was not 100 percent, even under theoretical "perfect" conditions of no user error. Real world stats for every form of birth control were substantially worse than the theoretical outcomes achievable under conditions where humans used them perfectly.
Even if you are celibate, women sometimes get raped. Women do not have some kind of absolute control over their own reproduction. Pregnancies happen, sometimes under terrible circumstances that involve tremendous baggage.
Historical norms for what I think of as human sexual morality erred on the side of recognizing that sometimes babies happen though no one wanted one. This includes things like shotgun weddings and a historical expectation in most cultures of being a virgin until you got married.
I have come to believe that the combo of how women are wired and sex being a social thing and yadda means that gay women somewhat frequently do not realize they are gay until later in life. Women get told "nice girls don't" and tend to be discouraged from exploring our sexuality, etc. I think it's just a long, difficult journey for some women to get to the point of realizing "I don't actually find men sexually attractive. That really does nothing for me."
If you are a woman and not sure, I will suggest the following are clues you might be gay:
- You have gradually become a sadist over time. You like hurting people or hearing stories about people being hurt.
- You married well and the most exciting thing about your husband in your eyes is his paycheck.
- You like hearing men talk about their sexual experiences with other women, especially in bed.
This is a really morally bankrupt way to live and no doubt involves TREMENDOUS misery for the person who has become a sadist and is now hurting others.
Please don't do this to yourself and to people around you. If you have ANY ethics and you reach the conclusion "I intentionally hurt people around me and the reason is because I'm a closeted gay person and deeply miserable over it" (regardless of gender), PLEASE get a same sex lover, work your crap out and STOP hurting people around you as a means to remain in the closet.
Why "marry well"? It is a social expectation that men are supposed to be good providers. I think this is a legitimate attempt to get excited about a man by gay women who have been told their whole lives that they are supposed to like men. They CAN get excited about his money if he makes enough and they go with that, not realizing it implies they don't actually like men.
Only over time does it gradually get impossible to keep pretending to enjoy it when they don't.
Why listen to MEN talk about their fantasies about or experiences with other women? Because men are supposed to be the initiators. If women are not ever supposed to initiate, how do two women even get together to begin with?
It's sort of a proxy, a sort of virtual experience of being with a woman.
Women are generally not supposed to be overly interested in sex. Having a strong interest in sex as a woman makes you a "bad" woman. Men are supposed to initiate, not women. Etc.
There are myriad barriers to women trying to figure out their own sexuality. I have come to believe that for gay women, this somewhat often ends up being a case of FUBAR and they don't know how things got so weird and have no idea how to back out of the deep emotional and social doo doo they find themselves mired in.
Step One: Admit to YOURSELF you are GAY and that the solution involves eventually getting a same sex lover. If it has gotten that bad, staying in the closet isn't going to make you a happy, healthy person.