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The Key is in the Safe

Some years ago on twitter, I saw tweets telling people who identify as bisexual that they don't need to explain their sexual history to people to justify calling themselves bisexual.

At the time, I didn't really get it. I feel like maybe I do now.

People who identify as bisexual may not have had sexual experience with both male and female partners. They may have so far only had heterosexual experiences but are trying to come out of the closet, so when they get grilled about their sexual history by people looking for "proof" or justification for the label, they can't offer it.

A lot of people will not accept the answer that "So far, I've only hooked up with members of the opposite sex, but I FEEL like I'm bisexual." And this can make it impossible to get any experience proving you really aren't straight. If you have to first have X amount of "experience" to prove to people you merit the label, then you may never get the requisite experience.

Furthermore, it's a gross violation of privacy. People who identify as heterosexual don't get asked to submit a list of lovers proving they are really hetero.

For many people, the world tells them from birth they WILL date, fall in love with and marry a member of the opposite sex. If they have been told this since birth, odds are good their initial attempts at romance will be with members of the opposite sex. Having now gone on dates or hooked up with members of the opposite sex, the world sees this as evidence they are heterosexual.

For girls, it may be even worse than for boys because boys are supposed to ask and girls are only supposed to say "yes" or "no." Which means that for boys, there is a social place to start: ONE of them can ASK. For girls, both parties may be waiting for the OTHER GIRL to ASK.

I did not do this to my children and I wish parents and other people -- but especially parents -- would stop doing this garbage to kids. Stop telling children from birth what their sexual identity is.

Stop telling them before they have any inkling of what their orientation is what the answer is supposed to be and implicitly suggesting that NO OTHER ANSWER IS ACCEPTABLE.

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