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More than four decades later, I have something to say

I have for many years been open about having been molested as a child, though for a long time I did not say publicly WHO had done so. I did that to make it possible for ME to tell my story as I saw fit.

I eventually went on record with the fact that my brother molested me when I was an adolescent and my father also molested me at a younger age.

As indicated previously on this blog, I think they both had head injuries and I also do not think either of them was truly a pedophile -- someone attracted to children. As far as I know, neither of them habitually molested kids.

There isn't a lot of hard data on what causes pedophilia. More than four decades of trying to sort my baggage has yielded one and only one thing that I feel is a solid clue:
One study found that being knocked unconscious before the age of 13 may be a factor.
I persisted in trying to figure out what the hell happened in part because I idolized both my father and brother.
I spent my elementary school years waiting to trip across my dad's name in my school history books.
Head injury fits the facts as I know them about my father and brother and also makes logical sense. This helps me personally put down some of my baggage.

Why publish something with so little support?

Because more than four decades of interest in sorting my baggage suggests to me there is very little solid info on the topic and I think this holds water. Some OPINIONS follow:

If you are attracted to kids and never wanted to be that way, you MIGHT be able to fix it but it would require two parts, both very hard and not currently solved:
  • Fix your head injury.
  • Remap your sexuality.
This would be a long shot and you would need to REALLY want it. Even if we ever get to Star Trek levels of being able to say for certain the old brain injury is fixed, part two means this would never be a sure thing.

Humans tend to prevaricate about their crimes, so I do not foresee a future in which someone can say "Yes, I was, BUT I got cured!" and be trusted.

As with many things I write about, the best use of this info is not "miracle cures" for unfortunate souls who got hit on the head as a kid and ended up a pervert. The best use is to encourage the world to try harder to prevent head injuries, especially in children.

Footnote

Things I am NOT saying that I know from experience some people will try to project onto me and have a hissy fit about:
  • "All child molesters are paragons of virtue other than raping kids."
  • "The person who molested me was actually a good person and I am wrong to be angry or hate them."
  • "This is absolutely for certain FIXABLE!"
  • "This is absolutely for certain NOT fixable!"
  • "Someday, doctors and therapists will be able to MAKE you stop being a child molester even though you have no desire to change."
  • "Child molesters are the real victims here and just need our SYMPATHY, poor babies."
That's a NO from me. Never said it. Never thought it.

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