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Not Everything is About X


I don't know what their issue is. They don't really say.

But a LOT of cis gendered people aren't exactly fashion plates. They get hated on for "being socially awkward" or "a nerd" or "ugly" instead of for "not passing."

My ex looked like an escapee from Revenge of the Nerds when I met him. He's probably aspie and was wearing whatever SHIT his mother bought him.

She had no taste and was buying him pale blue everything because he had blue eyes and dressing him in jeans and cowboy shirts. It looked awful.

He also had thick curly blonde hair that would make his Viking ancestors proud even though he was a skinny shrimp. He hated it and tried to, I guess, hide it or downplay it?

His hair was longer than mine and he tried to comb it flat. Can you say "helmet head"? It was awful.

I got him a short haircut and took him shopping for clothes and bought him something flattering.

He's blonde with blue eyes but he's ash blonde with gray undertones to everything. He looked wonderful in charcoal gray and wine red, not pale blue.

I didn't care that he looked like a nerd. I was sleeping with him. He looked good naked.

#priorities

But it bothered him and I knew how to fix it.

Not everything is "because you are trans." Lots of people have no idea how to dress well for their body and most people will not be helpful. They don't know how to help you and are happy to trash talk you on some flimsy excuse.

I found David Kibbe's Metamorphosis helpful. If that one doesn't click for you, there are other typing systems out there.

I also found astrology helpful. My coloring does NOT fit ANY of the coloring systems out there.

I have both blonde AND red highlights. Most people have one or the other.

I readily go very blonde from salt water, being outside in the sun, any excuse. When I cut it short, I'm usually a brunet again. 

I'm not really an Autumn from the "4 seasons" coloring system. That's the closest one if I recall correctly, but I also look good in a variety of brights that aren't autumn at all.

Color systems for people of color do nothing for me because I'm a very pasty white ethnicity. My maiden name is Irish in origin.

No color system works for me, but my astrological chart fits my colors. So, weirdly, I found astrology helpful for sorting out my wardrobe, of all things.

This person should probably start exploring various typing systems and find one that makes sense to THEM. 

It doesn't have to be one that works for me. Kibbe is not "the gospel." It just happened to help ME. If it doesn't help YOU, who cares? Move on. Don't force it.

Also, I will suggest they learn to WALK like a girl if they are mtf (which the post implies but doesn't quite state). That is mostly learned behavior. It's not rooted in biology and I think a lot of the not passing, awkwardness is BODY LANGUAGE that people mostly LEARN as their agab.

Body styles change. 1950s Gibson Girls were very busty etc. Then Twiggy became a model in the 1960s and we've been stuck on twig thin ever since as a fashion standard. 

If you get lucky and have the right bod for that decade, everyone gushes about how gorgeous you are. If not: nothing but hate.

Your body type isn't actually uglier just because it's not "popular" this decade. So to some extent everyone has to learn to turn a deaf ear to this type of noise.

In the book "How to survive without a salary," the author tells a story of wearing a free winter coat.

If I recall correctly, he said he fished a camel-colored wool winter coat out of his grandmother's rag bin before she could cut it up because to him it was a free winter coat. For the next 10 years (or whatever), he wore the same coat.

He knew when the coat was "in" because he got gushed at about his expensive new fashionable coat. All other years, he got hot cocoa and sympathy about how cold it was.

The coat was the same coat. It hadn't changed at all. But people's reactions to it did.

You can't let shallow fashionistas get to you. They are often the kind of person who sees you in the SAME coat year in and year out and then lets current trends dictate what they say about it. 

Not exactly the brightest bulbs in the box. 

More like the sharpest bulb: The BROKEN one.

This principle generalizes. Not everything bad that happens is about racism or sexism or whatever your personal hangup is that you routinely think is The Problem. Thus, the title. 

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