If you are LGBTQ or for any reason trying to sort your personal stuff, you need to do the work. I've done the work for myself for more than forty years, so I can sometimes point people in the right direction, but -- and it's a big BUT -- expecting me to spoonfeed you the answers is absolutely NOT a solution.
It's sort of like the difference between watching a workout video so you can follow along and do the right kind of exercise versus watching a video for entertainment. Watching other people sweat will never, ever, ever make YOUR body all fit and trim and healthy. That's just not a thing.
I can point you in the right direction but you need to sort YOUR personal crap which will be different from my personal crap. Taking glee in reading my personal stuff doesn't fix your life.
In fact, it can just keep you stuck and make you sicker.
Over the years, I've had some people glom onto me and not actually sort their stuff and, instead, engage in abusive behavior towards me. Abusing someone else does NOT make YOU psychologically, spiritually and socially healthier. It makes you sicker.
So if you are here to get your jollies at my expense, you are here very much for the wrong reason.
I'm aware that People of Color tend to feel that White people need to fix their shit, LBGTQ people tend to feel that homophobes need to fix their shit and women tend to feel that men/society need to fix their shit. In other words, the oppressed parties generally feel that the oppressors are The Problem.
That's not entirely untrue but it's more complicated than that. Half truths are dangerous because they are seductive and can help keep you stuck easier than bald-faced lies.
Yes, "society" also needs to change but realize YOU are part of society and so one means to begin changing society is to change yourself. Your own mind and life choices are the things you have the most direct control over and you may be able to make your own life work even if "the world" fails to change by taking control of the pieces you do have some control over.
At best, you should see me as an instructor or someone putting out food for thought. But do not just accept things I say uncritically and absolutely do not behave like simply reading my writing like it's cheap entertainment will somehow magically fix things.
I don't know what on earth goes through people's minds but I have had people latch onto me like they thought just knowing me or something would fix everything. Like there is something magical about me and just being around me makes everything work.
That never works. It ends up being a big problem for me without solving any of their problems.
If you are fascinated that I seem to be okay in spite of all that I have been through, rest assured there is nothing "magical" about it. I did the work.
If you want to be okay, YOU need to Do The Work on your life. That's how that happens.
Getting overly fascinated with me is a substitute for actually doing the work. Don't do that.
The worst, stupidest, sickest, most messed up people I have ever known did that to me and they did it to avoid actually fixing their own life. If you are doing that, you are following in the footsteps of insane, pathetic losers.
Rest assured, no good will come of it.
It's sort of like the difference between watching a workout video so you can follow along and do the right kind of exercise versus watching a video for entertainment. Watching other people sweat will never, ever, ever make YOUR body all fit and trim and healthy. That's just not a thing.
I can point you in the right direction but you need to sort YOUR personal crap which will be different from my personal crap. Taking glee in reading my personal stuff doesn't fix your life.
In fact, it can just keep you stuck and make you sicker.
Over the years, I've had some people glom onto me and not actually sort their stuff and, instead, engage in abusive behavior towards me. Abusing someone else does NOT make YOU psychologically, spiritually and socially healthier. It makes you sicker.
So if you are here to get your jollies at my expense, you are here very much for the wrong reason.
I'm aware that People of Color tend to feel that White people need to fix their shit, LBGTQ people tend to feel that homophobes need to fix their shit and women tend to feel that men/society need to fix their shit. In other words, the oppressed parties generally feel that the oppressors are The Problem.
That's not entirely untrue but it's more complicated than that. Half truths are dangerous because they are seductive and can help keep you stuck easier than bald-faced lies.
Yes, "society" also needs to change but realize YOU are part of society and so one means to begin changing society is to change yourself. Your own mind and life choices are the things you have the most direct control over and you may be able to make your own life work even if "the world" fails to change by taking control of the pieces you do have some control over.
At best, you should see me as an instructor or someone putting out food for thought. But do not just accept things I say uncritically and absolutely do not behave like simply reading my writing like it's cheap entertainment will somehow magically fix things.
I don't know what on earth goes through people's minds but I have had people latch onto me like they thought just knowing me or something would fix everything. Like there is something magical about me and just being around me makes everything work.
That never works. It ends up being a big problem for me without solving any of their problems.
If you are fascinated that I seem to be okay in spite of all that I have been through, rest assured there is nothing "magical" about it. I did the work.
If you want to be okay, YOU need to Do The Work on your life. That's how that happens.
Getting overly fascinated with me is a substitute for actually doing the work. Don't do that.
The worst, stupidest, sickest, most messed up people I have ever known did that to me and they did it to avoid actually fixing their own life. If you are doing that, you are following in the footsteps of insane, pathetic losers.
Rest assured, no good will come of it.
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